A narcissistic abuser does not fall in love with you. They fall in love with what you allow them to feel. With you, that feeling is power. It is not tenderness, and it is not desire.
You were not a woman or a man this person loved. You were the proof that they were worth something. Proof is kept. It is not cherished.
They did not choose you because you were weak. They chose you because you are luminous, generous, and kind, and above all because you were convinced that everyone had some good in them. People do not rob an empty house. They rob a house where there is something to take.
The most humiliating part is what this person got you to do while they were destroying you. You apologized for crying. You apologized for reacting badly. You apologized for being too sensitive. They made you carry the weight of their own violence, and you carried it for months, then for years.
What nobody tells you is that this person will not change. They will not change for the next partner either, man or woman. They are not wounded. They are not broken. They do not need love. They found a system that works, and a system that works does not get stopped.
You did not lose the love of your life. You lost someone who needed you to be small, whether you are a man or a woman, so they could feel larger. You are anything but small.