There is a profile which is very close to the pervert narcissistic profile but which is actually borderline. In fact, what you need to know, because you may be following this channel, is the pervert narcissistic profile. There is another profile which is called borderline profile and there is one between the two which is called borderline narcissistic. One of the fundamental characteristics of the pervert person is that he/she cannot heal him/herself. While a person who is borderline or borderline narcissistic has the chance in therapy to be able to change behavior. So what I propose to you today, because I imagine that you are not all experts in psychology or psychiatry today, I will remind you how these three profiles work so that you can know who you have to deal with in front of you. Let’s go back to the basic definitions. First of all, you have what is called the narcissistic disorder.
A person who is completely self-centered, who needs to be admired to feel like he exists. A person who is unable to apologize for whatever it is, who will make you live a phase of the honeymoon at the beginning and then who will destroy you for months or years later. Who will refuse to feel the slightest vulnerability. So the person who is perverse narcissistic, even if we do an IRM to find out how it goes, we see that the parts related to emotions are completely anesthetized.
On a daily basis, you will see self-centeredness, need for control, coldness of emotions, very little empathy, whatever happens to you, it’s the same for him or for her. Hyper-sensitive to criticism, he must be superior. If this is not the case, he will destroy you and he protects himself from any type of emotional dependence. That in principle, we have seen it again, we know it. We will move on to the other one, which is called borderline. Then we will see the narcissistic borderline.
What you are discovering in the general public, we do not talk about it, that is to say that people do not know, for them there is only perverse narcissistic or nothing. But borderline is much less known, much less popular than perverse narcissistic. In a discussion in the evening, it can happen, but it is still rather rare that we talk about it. And yet, even if it may end up looking like the end, these are people who are completely different. Why are we talking about borderline personality? It is the reference to the unstable border between a neurosis, that is to say, to live something daily with intense emotions, but which are manageable, and another passage, in another world sometimes, which is that of the psychosis, it is a break with reality. You send a text message to a friend, suddenly your partner explodes and thinks you have a lover, a mistress, that you have a triplet, etc.
So there we go into a break in reality, we are in something else, a small dispute can turn into a gigantic thing. These are people who are emotionally unstable, we will see in the brain how it translates, they will live emotions at 200% without filter. They will alternate between a fusion love, idealization and dependence, with suddenly something else, the balance will change, we will go to rejection, anger, panic and guilt. You are in a party, it’s going great, your girlfriend, you like it, no problem, suddenly something happens that changes the course of the party, we will go into the other quadrant, which will be rejection, anger and panic, and the two will be disproportionate, we are not in something that is central, we are really in far too much love, far too much idealization, then far too much rejection, far too much anger.
And it is already one of the first signals that makes us confuse them with narcissistic perverts, who also have this ability to make you spend very good evenings with the worst evenings of your life. But we come back to it in a moment, with a lot of examples so that you can know in what situation you are. Often it will be related to an unstable childhood, parents who are distant, absent or incoherent, or even a conditional love, I love you, on condition that you do this, that you behave like that, etc.
What are the main symptoms? There will be fear, panic, abandonment, emptiness, constant inner, blurred identity, they don’t really know who they are, emotional crisis, impulsivity and intense and chaotic relationships. If already at this level of the video you start to confuse the two borderline and narcissistic perverts profiles, I reassure you, it’s normal, because if we read it just like that, indeed there are words that look alike, in a few moments it will be extremely clear. And then we have a mixed profile, which is called narcissistic borderline, which will alternate between need for love and rejection panic, except that there is a difference in this type of profile. When we arrive in rejection, they put on a defensive hat and they attack you, because they can’t stand feeling sadness. I summarize everything we just saw. A perverse narcissistic person, if you do his IRM, there is not much emotion, it’s cold, he will play the comedy to seduce you at the start, then he will destroy you in a very cold way afterwards. There, the borderline is in something else.
For example, a woman could be seen as an immature teenager, she makes me crisis for nothing, she loves me completely and everything is fine, she is even too happy that I am there, it’s even going too well, we are in an excess, then we will counterbalance in the other side, gigantic crisis. So for example, you are in a car, everything is going well, even too well, you laugh, you sing, you have fun, then all of a sudden, this borderline person will go to the other side, a gigantic sadness, a fear that you are leaving, for example, except that the person who is borderline and narcissistic will not go through the sadness, she will go through the attack, which is the common point with the perverse narcissistic part. I can’t stand being in the negative part, so instead I protect myself and I will attack you. Then after a while, the narcissistic borderline person will come back and apologize, I don’t know what happened, it exceeded my intentions, I didn’t want to hurt you, etc. If it’s still a little blurry, or even a lot, don’t worry, we will study all these profiles in detail.
What is happening inside the brain? There is the amygdala, which we have already talked about in many videos on this channel, which is the alert detector, it is the one that sends signals to many other organs in the body, in particular it is the one responsible for strong emotions such as fear, anger, danger. For a person who is borderline, the amygdala is hyperactive, a little nothing can make her extremely happy, a little nothing can make her extremely unhappy, the reaction is emotional, it is immediate and it is always disproportionate.
Contrary to the narcissistic perverse, in their case, the amygdala is hypoactive, basically nothing happens, it’s like freezing, there are not many emotions in there, first look, nothing happens, it’s cold, it’s detached, you’re suffering in front of them, you’re having the worst things on earth, they look at you, they don’t care, the amygdala is hypoactive, there is nothing that triggers. You, if you are balanced after this video, you have positive and negative emotions, you are not either right in the center where nothing is happening, or not right either in both directions, to feel too much.
Then will intervene the prefrontal cortex, which we talked about last week, which is used to take a step back, in borderlines it will be under activated, which basically means that these people will first act, then think. For example, get angry, get angry, or tell you that they love you passionately, then think about it, and that’s what makes them arrive one day later to apologize, excuse me, I don’t know what they taught me yesterday, it’s just that they have hormones, in fact, of reaction, of emotion. While in the narcissistic perverse, it will be over-activated, basically the prefrontal cortex will be in total control, he knows exactly what he is doing, why he does it, with in addition very little emotion.
Unfortunately for our borderlines, it does not stop there, because there is also the hippocampus, which we talked about three weeks ago, it will often be smaller in borderlines or desynchronized, because of a chronic stress in childhood. This is what makes, for example, that each conflict can revive all the wounds of the past, you abandon me, you are just sending a text to your boss, in their head there is another story, you are talking to an ex, you are flirting with someone, you abandon me, that’s it, it’s over. You were just sending a message. Who says stress hormone necessarily says cortisol, as well as the whole system of stress, in borderlines they will live in a state of permanent alert, because they will have a high rate of cortisol, which can by the way be measured with a blood test, their body will always react as if there was a vital danger.
The narcissistic is not at all in there, he is not in permanent alert, he feels almost no more stress, he has all intellectualized. Let’s see the same example with these three profiles, see how a borderline, a narcissistic and a narcissistic borderline would behave. First of all, let’s say that Alex forgets to write a good night’s message to Léa, Léa who is borderline will start to cry, feel rejected and panicked, so basically she overreacts compared to not having received any messages.
So maybe it’s just that Alex was sleeping or just forgot or was watching a series, he is not sleeping yet. I summarize, fear of abandonment, which leads to an emotional fusion, which will lead to a crisis, then Léa will blame and come back and she will beg. If now Léa is not borderline but she is perverse narcissistic, it will be very different, Alex forgets to write the sms, good night, narcissistic Camille will despise him and will post a photo on social networks saying that she is independent and that she does not need anyone, she is punishing him directly. So you forgot me, I destroy you coldly. The narcissistic borderline, let’s say that once again Alex has always forgotten this sms, she will feel pain, at the moment when she feels this pain, she needs to hurt him, then she will apologize afterwards and come back. She will say for example you betrayed me, then after that it’s I love you, come back, I’m really sorry.
These emotions were too fast, they exploded, she refuses to go into the negative part of her behavior, it’s the narcissistic part of her profile that comes blocked, she then comes back apologizing, sorry I don’t know what he took from me, the words exceeded my thoughts. In a borderline, the main injury is abandonment, his parents abandoned him when he was little, in a narcissistic it is very different, it will be shame, by the way it can also come from his parents, he never wants to be ashamed, he must always control his environment, a narcissistic borderline will have abandonment plus shame.
In a borderline, the amygdala is hyperactive, it goes very fast with a lot of emotion, in a narcissistic it is hypoactive, I don’t feel anything, I’m a cold fish. In a narcissistic borderline, if you followed well, it is hyperactive, then suddenly blocked, we arrive in protection mode as if a fusible jumped, I must not feel negative, I will attack, then I apologize. The relationship with the other in a borderline is fusion dependent, in a narcissistic it will be instrumentalized, you are just a utilitarian to his eyes, in a narcissistic borderline it is fusion and then punitive. The borderline wants to be reassured, the narcissistic wants to be admired and the narcissistic borderline wants to be loved without feeling weak.
If he ever spoke to you, if he ever really told you what he thinks, by the way, what is possible in a borderline and also on certain scales in a narcissistic borderline, the borderline would tell you, I love you so much that I will die if you leave. The narcissistic would tell you the following sentence, I don’t want to depend on you because if I ever let myself go to love you, you can destroy me and the narcissistic borderline will say, I want to love you but I’m ashamed to need you. Here is the diagram of a classic Saturday night with a person who is a narcissistic borderline, first of all it is absolute love, you are everything to me, then rejection, you are nothing without me, with a permanent need for attention but with a refusal to admit his dependence.
There may be punitive silences, but then there will be sincere excuses after the crisis, followed by possibly new explosions. So this kind of profile represents about 1% of the population, it’s not much but enough for us to remember, that is to say that out of 100 people in the street you necessarily cross, you go to Lidl tonight, you see 300 people, there will be 3-4 in the water. It fascinates because often there is passion, there is fusion, there is also drama, there is also return and these people do not leave indifferent, that is to say that you live something that is great and which is also destructive and then it starts again and then you feel this kind of fragility in the other. And the human being is attached to this famous cold, return, go and come, all of a sudden it’s great, we burst, big peak of dopamine, then after that it’s stress, big peak of cortisol, we no longer know what’s going on, it’s war etc. And then it starts again, that’s what makes the human being addicted, a slap, a kiss, a rejection, then a scene of love. So before going any further, if you wish, there is a Cuis-en-Sous which is called, this person is perverse, narcissistic or not, there is also a link to call me, it’s just under this video. So what are the therapeutic perspectives for our three profiles today? At Borderline, there is what is called DBT which teaches to regulate these emotions and the therapy of schematics. So yes, if you are ever borderline, if you ever work on it, it is possible to change you.
For the perverse narcissistic people, in theory, I say in theory, I specify it because it’s not written there, in theory, and some people who are perverse narcissistic on YouTube, I think especially Americans, say that they managed to move forward thanks to that. In theory, analytical or integrative therapy would allow them to restore the link with empathy and shame, it remains extremely theoretical, I wouldn’t even believe it. And for those who are mixed, it will depend on the percentage, the level of borderline and narcissistic perversion. It’s not like we have it or we don’t have it, we can have it at different levels. We say that we are all 7% psychopaths and that’s normal, only if you don’t have it at 7% but you have it at 97%, you go in the street, you have a knife and then you attack everyone. So it’s a question of percentage, a low level in general. If the person you are in front of, the person you think of, is a little borderline and slightly with some traits of narcissistic perversion, as the psychopaths say, in that case, if it has low levels, it can be treated.
That is to say that the lower the level, the easier it will be to get better. And the thing I recommend you to observe today is simply to see if the other has a form of remorse and awareness of what is happening to him or not. There will be less awareness than a person who is 100% narcissistic perversion, there will be less awareness of his own pain, plus the problem is the others and not him, and less it’s easy to go to therapy and to solve that.